The Bitch and the Bigot by Snowflakelover and Lotus Wright
by Twilight Diversity Contest
Summary: On vacation in Amsterdam, two boys raised in conservative patriarchal Armenia clash with two very free and feminist Dutch girls. Uh oh, this will surely get messy.


Title of Story: The Bitch and the Bigot

Story Summary: On vacation in Amsterdam, two boys raised in conservative patriarchal Armenia clash with two very free and feminist Dutch girls. Uh oh, this will surely get messy.

Pairing: E/B, Em/R

Rating: M

Word Count (not including summary, header, or footnoted word translations): 6300

Disclaimer: _The author does not own any publicly recognizable entities herein. No copyright infringement is intended._

 **Language notes:**

Aper: Bro

Aper jan: Brother dear

Ara: Oh my god (In this context)

Schat: dear

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"I can't believe our parents allowed us to go to Holland," Emmett says as he sits down to scratch at a lottery game for luck.

"I know, _aper_. My parents told me I had to get a red diploma for them to pay for my vacation. I'm happy that my hours of studying paid off," Edward replies, joining Emmett and pulling out a cigarette.

"You and your red diploma. Can you shut up about it just once and stop boasting?"

"Don't be jealous because I'm smarter than you," Edward brags, not a trace of humor in his voice as he takes a long drag from the cigarette.

"We get it! Find something else to talk about!"

They're both sitting in the miniscule smoking section at Zvartnots International Airport, Armenia—Edward smoking and Emmett cursing at his luck for not winning the prize on the ticket. There are only ten minutes left to board their plane, but the boys have made cutting it close into an art form and are in no hurry.

"Next time, God willing, you'll win, _aper jan_." Edward placates Emmett as he exhales smoke from his nose.

"Yeah."

Emmett's whole demeanor suddenly lightens. "What's the first thing we're going to do when we land?"

"Put our stuff at the hostel then go smoke some weed and sleep with a few birds. You know how Western women are easy," Edward says.

"I heard they'll sleep around with _any_ guy."

"That's what I've heard, too, _aper_."

A female announcer calls for last minute boarders, which prompts Edward and Emmett to run puffing and huffing to the terminal.

.

.

"Hello, and welcome to Amsterdam's finest hostel, the White Rose," the receptionist greets. Edward and Emmett stare at her, not used to seeing girls with quite this many tattoos and piercings.

After they check in and stow away their luggage, they head out to sightsee. They both decide to go on a boat tour because, why not? And it's right off the hostel.

The White Rose hostel is right next to one of Amsterdam's famous canals, and big signs offering tourists boat tours showing the city's sights while you're sitting down easily draw the tired, lazy boys in—after visiting a so-called coffee shop that sells marijuana, of course.

The boat tour is, for a couple of disinterested tourists, fairly boring. The city's architecture and unique canal structure is fascinating to the elderly couple in front of them, but Edward and Emmett spend most of the tour spotting "bangable chicks.".

At the front of the boat, a girl Edward gave a solid 9 out of 10 is introducing herself through a microphone in four different languages. Too late to catch the English version, Edward and Emmett try to catch her name in the rest of her speech—after all, even with easy Western girls, surely knowing a name will make it much easier to get her into bed.

"...Bonjour, tout le monde, je m'appelle Bella. Est-ce qu'il y a des gens Françaises? Non? D'accord, je ne parlerai pas Français aujourd'hui. Guten Tag, ich bin Bella. Gibt es heute Deutsche Leute? Nein? OK, kein Deutsch heute. Goedenmiddag dames en heren, mijn naam is Bella. Ik zal de tour vandaag in het Engels en in het Nederlands aan u vertellen."

The boys deduce almost nothing from that mess of different languages and promptly lose interest in her speech again.

"There are over 1,500 bridges in Amsterdam." Bella drones like a college professor with a burn out. "The city expanded along the Amstel River, making the role of the water more important than the land. The city is also called the Venice of the North sometimes." She sighs and starts mumbling into the crappy cheap microphone. "Then again, so are a dozen other cities, so that shows you just how much that means."

She grabs a lock of hair and twirls it around her finger. It's not the way girls do it when they're trying to flirt; it's more of a testament to her utter boredom. Everything about her—her posture, the monotony of her voice, the way she's not even attempting to look at the passengers—shows just how much she really doesn't want to be here.

Which is true, she really doesn't, but the canal cruise company pays pretty well, so Bella finds herself repeating the same story three times a week to insufferable tourists.

Most tourists come to Amsterdam because of the legal marijuana and prostitution, not so much for its culture and architecture. Each tour boat is generally filled with a handful of traveling families, all Teva sandals and fanny packs, and a few dozen loud teenagers and college students, either drunk or high. Or both.

It got tedious.

"On your left, you'll see the Rembrandt house." Bella waves her arm halfheartedly in the direction of the street. "World-famous artist Rembrandt van Rijn lived here between 1639 and 1658. It was sold because he went bankrupt. There's a museum in the building right now if you feel like getting all cultural although you may wanna start with the Rijksmuseum, the Van Gogh, and the Anne Frank House. Anyway …"

" _Aper_ , this is boring. Let's light a joint," Emmett whispers, handing a joint to Edward.

Suddenly, a hand slams onto the table, startling Edward so much that he drops the barely lit, badly rolled joint onto the aluminum table.

"Boys. Where are you from?" Bella asks in a stern voice.

"Armenia," Emmett answers, puffing his chest out with pride.

Bella's face remains neutral. "Y'all got rules there? Laws and such?"

The boys nod.

"Good. You'll understand then when I say, of fucking course, you can't fucking smoke pot on a fucking tour boat. There are children in this same room and you can't wait thirty fucking minutes to get high?" Bella's voice turns angry, choosing to ignore the children she mentioned when it comes to cursing. "Now I know you've been talking all through my history of Amsterdam, which is one thing, but you are _not_ going to smoke up on my boat. Either the joint or the both of you are going to end up in the canal in the next two minutes. Which one will it be?"

"Were you raised by savages? I've never heard a woman cuss like that. It's shameful and not lady-like at all," Edward reprimands.

"Ah, thank you so much," Bella replies, sarcasm dripping from her words. "I've always aspired to be a lady, and now, I'm finally learning how." She quickly snatches the joint off the table and, ignoring the boys' protests, throws it out the window and into the Amsterdam canal.

After a year on this job of entertaining and enlightening tourists, Bella's met them all, and today, she's not feeling particularly patient in dealing with the boys-gone-wild tourists in front of her.

"Look, beautiful girls shouldn't cuss because it's not attractive. Besides, you'd look even more beautiful if you stop cussing like a street slut and start acting politely."

"Oh, goodie. Misogynist pigs. Fucking sexist idiots."

Edward becomes furious. "Eeeeh, if you weren't a girl, I would've spoken with you in a different tone and put you in your place."

None of the passengers are looking at the city sights any more, transfixed by the quickly escalating verbal war that has both parties so worked up they ignore their surroundings.

"You're in the Netherlands now, imbeciles. Stick with the program. Free your fucking mind and all that. We don't like male chauvinists like you because we're in the twenty-first century. Run along home and tell your country to stop living in the 1800s."

"If living in the 1800s means we have high morals then so be it. At least, we're not amoral like you Westerners."

"How the fuck do you justify spewing your women-hating crap onto a perfect stranger as having high morals?"

"How am I hating on women? I love women. They're beautiful and gentle creatures. But a self-respecting woman doesn't cuss like a cheap whore. Have some class!"

"MICHAEL!" Bella suddenly yells, not turning her body but obviously addressing the boat's steersman. She narrows her eyes at Edward and stares straight into his eyes as she continues. "Stop the fucking boat. I need to kick some assholes out."

Michael, ass-kisser extraordinaire, wouldn't dare disobey Bella, so he steers the boat toward the canal wall which, thankfully for the boys, is only about two feet above the boat.

As they come to a full stop in the murky waters, Bella opens the door and calmly points to the street level.

"You will climb out now. Here's a twenty to cover your fare. You will go quickly and quietly so I don't have to call the cops. NOW."

Edward opens his mouth to protest, but Emmett grabs the money and tugs at his friend's arm. They both get off the boat as Edward curses in Armenian under his breath.

.

.

Bella lets out a long groan as she complains to her friends about her day. "Fuckers almost got me fired! I hate tourists."

"There, there," Rose placates, patting her back in the most obviously patronizing way possible. "You didn't get fired, and you did say they were both hot, so maybe you can convince them to shut the fuck up and get some good sex out of it?"

"Exactly!" Alice pipes up. "Now let me go get you a beer. Because according to chemistry, alcohol _is_ a solution, and I'd say right now, it's the best one."

"Amen to that. Fuck those pretty boys."

"Pretty?" Rose asks in her signature low, raspy voice. "You neglected to tell us anything about that, sweets."

"Ugh," Bella groans and bangs her head against the bar she's leaning on. "One of them was just your type, Rose. You know, if he'd shut up. Big burly gym buff dude, curls and dimples and all."

Rose hums thoughtfully. "Sounds like nice eye candy, but you know he's gonna be a bigot, and that will just blow up in our faces."

Bella nods to that. The Netherlands is a liberal place, and most guys would say they're fine with all kinds of LGBTQI people, but apparently, it's still different "when a hot chick used to have a dick," as one of Rose's suitors had once said. There's no way someone like the dimples dude would be okay with even coming close to a transgender woman, even one as gorgeous as Rose is.

"Anyway," Rose continues. "What about the other one then?"

Bella lifts her head off the bar to face her friend. "His words make me want to sucker punch him, and his face and body make me want to suck him off. It's ridiculous how gorgeous this dude is, Rose. He's the kind of guy they make up words like chiseled and sculpted for. Just thinking about his face makes me soak my panties again."

Rose snorts. "Like you're wearing panties now."

"Well, no. But you know what I mean. I have literally never seen a hotter guy. And I've never met anyone who makes me so aggressive just by talking to me."

"Hmmmm. Angry sex," Rose muses.

"Who's having angry sex?" Alice chimes in, returning with three Heinekens. Rose simply points to Bella.

"Oh, really! Can I watch?" The tiny little vixen pulls off a look that's simultaneously hopeful and pouty.

"I'm not having sex, angry or otherwise, Ali," Bella grumbles.

"Oh, no! You poor baby. Wanna join me and Jazz later?" Alice winks at her friend as she nods her head at the bar's stage where her frequent fuck buddy is lazily plucking the strings of his bass guitar.

"Tempting offer indeed," Bella jokes. "But you know I want you all for myself, you sexy biatch."

Alice ignores the joking tone in Bella's voice and climbs up on her friend's lap, puckering her lips. Rose laughs, used to the other two goofing around. No one's surprised when Alice's quick peck on Bella's lips turns into a passionate make-out session that leaves most of the bar's male patrons hypnotized.

The girls end the kiss slowly and grin at each other. "You do give the best kisses, babe." Bella grins.

"As do you. Now I'm horny. See ya later, babe." With another peck on the lips, Alice hops off her friend's lap and dances her way to her boyfriend. Bella's eyes follow her friend to the stage, not seeing the two Armenian men who had just walked in.

"Holy shit," Emmett exclaims, his mouth hanging open at the hot make-out session that took place just before their eyes.

"Arrrraaaaaaa," he gasps, while Edward stands with his mouth hanging open, transfixed and confused.

Both suddenly feel uncomfortable in their pants.

"Fuck," Edward groans, feeling disgusted, turned on, and confused. He's always known that homosexual acts are sinful and disgusting, and yet, he can't bring himself to care at this instance. His raging hard-on is a testament to that.

He looks at his friend and sees Emmett looking as confused and turned on as he is.

Both he and Emmett can't understand it, but they sure as hell wouldn't mind seeing it again.

"Fuck," Edward repeats.

Upon hearing that familiar deep voice, Bella's head snaps to the front of the cafe.

"Shit, Rose, that's them," she stage-whispers to her friend.

Not one for subtlety, Rose gives the boys a very thorough once-over, bottom to top, and holds Emmett's gaze for a long moment before turning to her friend. "You weren't kidding, babe; that one is hot as hell. He sort of resembles one of those cartoon characters now; you know, the ones that see something they like and their eyes pop out and their jaw hits the floor? I like it. Can I go play?"

Bella giggles, knowing full well what her friend is up to. "They were pests but fairly innocent ones, Rose. Don't torture the poor guy too much."

By this point, Emmett and Edward have progressed from shell-shocked confusion to at least a form of bewilderment that allows them mobility, so they quickly move toward the girls.

"Well, if it isn't the foul-mouthed girl from the tour boat company. Your boss was very quick and thorough in apologizing to us for your behavior, you know." Edward smirks at Bella, a cocky confidence oozing from him. Bella scowls back.

"What do you want?"

"Your name and perhaps a shared drink. It will be my apology for raising my voice at you. We'll start over."

Bella narrows her eyes, wondering whether his hotness and apology are enough to make up for this afternoon. Taking advantage of her friend's sudden muteness, Rose steps closer to an almost drooling Emmett. "Hi," she whispers. Rose likes to whisper; she still has a bit of a masculine voice when she speaks at a normal volume, and she's here for a goal: mess with this prime piece of man-meat.

"H-Hi, I'm Emmett," a blushing Emmett mumbles, clearly affected by Rose's allure.

Rose grins with confidence and strokes his chest with one perfectly manicured fingernail. "I'm Rose. Buy me a drink, handsome?"

"S-sure. What would you like?"

Rose pretends to think and bites her lip in a way that looks ridiculous on mere mortals but is somehow sexy on a woman as beautiful as Rose.

Next to them, Edward still waits for Bella to reply. His face flushes red with anger when Bella looks at him with narrowed eyes.

"Well?" His impatient tone starts to show through.

"Bella," she finally says and is immediately silent again.

"Excuse me?"

"Okay, you're excused." Bella snickers at her lame joke.

"What? You're not making any sense, woman!"

"Did you or did you not want my name? Now you have it. I don't get what you're so damn confused about."

"Normal people usually start with the sentence 'my name is.' So forgive me for not catching on," Edward says, sarcasm oozing from every word.

"You could've paid attention on the boat, and we could've skipped this entire conversation."

Edward fumes because he's unable to find a response to that, and she's right. He wasn't listening to her on the boat. _No one_ listens to the guide, that's a known fact.

"Fine! Will you have drinks with me, then?"

Bella opens her mouth for another snarky reply but realizes that she hadn't quite expected him to say _that._

"Um. Sure, I'll have a beer."

"So does that mean you'll forgive me?" Edward asks with a hopeful tone.

Bella frowns. Ultimately, this stranger means very little to her, so she shrugs. "Sure, whatever."

Edward's eyes light up as he dashes to the counter and orders two beers.

After he hands her the bottle, he sits down and expectantly waits.

"Well?" he says after his patience wears off, which, it seems, doesn't take much these days.

"Well, what?"

"Aren't you going to apologize for your behavior, too?"

"What the fuck are you yapping about?"

"Aren't you going to apologize for insulting me?" he fumes.

Bella snorts. "Not in this fucking lifetime." Yeah, sure, she may have called them idiots and imbeciles and sexist pigs, but that was justified. Right?

Edward is beyond pissed as he grabs his friend's arm and briskly walks out of the bar's door.

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.

The boys eventually stroll into one of the many coffeeshops that are actually pot shops. It's not the first time in their lives they've smoked up, but finding good quality weed back home was difficult because drugs are prohibited. Walking around in a country where they sell weed in "coffeeshops" is heaven to them.

The girls are gone now, so the guys enjoy their blunt in a relaxed atmosphere and without the guilt and stress troubling them in the back of their minds. No one's around except for the woman behind the counter, a forty-something lady who seemed friendly enough and even took the time to introduce herself as Renée.

Edward is still reeling from the interaction that took place earlier. "Fuck my luck, _aper_. Does she have to be present everywhere we go? I have _never_ met a girl who infuriates me so much! If she could just tame that loud mouth of hers, then, maybe, we might get along."

A bloodshot-eyed Emmett gazes at this friend and sighs. " _Aper_ , don't exaggerate; you saw her _twice_. The first place is where she works, and the bar we went to is a renowned place so, of course, she'd be there. Yeah, she might have a big mouth, but you're forgetting this is Holland, a country in Europe where women are independent and don't subscribe to traditional gender roles. It's not like we don't have loud-mouthed women back home, but you and I both know they're either beaten into submission or classified as sluts."

"It's not like I don't know all that, Em. I know this is a different culture, it's just ... no girl has ever talked to me like that before and I don't like it."

"Well, then, if you don't like it, we can either leave or stay and maybe learn something new," Emmett advises, taking a long drag from the blunt.

Edward takes a couple drags for himself, too, thinking about the events since this morning.

Yes, he was shocked at her unladylike behavior because most women around him were quiet and always soft-spoken. But Em's right, he can either leave or enjoy his time here. It's not like he'll see her again. He came here to enjoy all the freedom that Holland has to offer before going back home to start his residency then, hopefully, find one of those beautiful, soft-spoken and submissive Armenian girls to start a family with.

He can never see himself with a loud-mouth like _her_. He has to admit, though, she's very beautiful and has a killer body.

"You like her, don't you?" Emmett interrupts him. He has seen that look a few times on his friend's face when he's been infatuated with a girl.

Edward shrugs his shoulders. "What's not to like? Bella's beautiful."

Behind the counter, Renée's head snaps up as she hears her daughter's name. Aside from "Bella's beautiful," she hadn't been able to make either heads or tails of the boys' words, spoken in rapid Armenian with an English word or two thrown in. Was that gorgeous young man really talking about her Bella? He seemed so conflicted and yet … Hmmm.

"Yeah, _aper_ , girls here are hot. Her friend, Rose, had killer boobs and legs. I wouldn't mind taking her back home as a wife."

Edward chuckles at his friend's awed tone. Emmett was always falling in love with a girl, and girls always loved him back, unable to resist his dimpled smile. So he wasn't surprised to hear that come from him.

He knew his friend had a romantic heart and was a big softie underneath all those muscles. Edward always teased him for it because he was the more rational of the two and didn't believe in falling love like Emmett did.

The best he hoped for was liking a girl from a good family and feeling comfortable enough around her to share a life with.

Renee, meanwhile, hears Emmett say the name Rose and watches him as he accompanies his words with gestures meant to show the "killer" state of her body. Certainly, these boys are hung up on her daughter and her best friend. She knows how stubborn Bella is, never letting anyone in and always trying to chase men away by being more rude than necessary. This should present a nice challenge.

"Hey, Em. Since we're here, we should check out the red-light district as well. See what all the hype is about," Edward suggests, though he's not as excited about going there as he is to stuff his face with Dutch pastries.

"Hell, yes! We should definitely go there, Ed."

Renée's sharp ears miss nothing. "Excuse me for interrupting you, boys," she says in a soft, friendly voice. "Did I hear correctly that you wish to visit the red-light district? I own a company that does red-light district tours, if you boys are interested."

Emmett looks up with excited eyes. "Yes, ma'am! We'd _love_ to visit the red-light district!"

Edward rolls his eyes at Emmett's excitement. "What he means to say, ma'am, is we're interested in your company's services."

"Excellent." Renée beams. "When would you boys like to go? I'll set it up for you."

"ASAP, please." Emmett's mother had still drilled manners in him.

Renée smiles. "Well, I could probably get you a private tour in an hour or so if you don't mind that I ask my daughter to do it? She's worked for me before and knows the district very well."

Edward answers instead. "Yes, ma'am, we'd appreciate that. How much does a private tour cost?"

Renée gives them a special discount as she thinks of all the excuses she's going to need to tell her daughter later. _Of course, I didn't set you up, honey, how could I have known you'd already met these boys? I thought they were lovely!_ She quietly snickers and takes out her phone to call her daughter. "Hey, sweetie," she says, careful to avoid using her daughter's name. "Wanna do a red-light tour for me in about an hour?"

Bella likes the red-light tours, and she loves extra cash, so the deal is made very quickly. "Your tour guide can pick you up here in an hour, if that's okay with you," Renée tells the boys.

"Great! I'm starving! Let's go grab some quick BBQ before we need to be back here," Emmett shouts.

" _Aper_ , you haven't finished your blunt yet. There's no way you're wasting that."

When the boys put out their blunts ten minutes later, they dazedly walk to a BBQ take-out place with goofy smiles adorning their faces.

.

.

It takes Bella only a second after walking through the doors of her mother's coffeeshop to realize just who she's supposed to give a private tour to.

"Oh, hell no, Mom," she shouts angrily.

Renée's face is the picture of innocence. "What is it, _schat_?

The rational side of Bella is telling her there is no way her mother knows how much Bella has already clashed with these two boys, so she sighs deeply and shakes her head. Time to suck it up.

"Hello again, boys." She plasters her usual "I work in the tourist industry" smile on her face as Edward and Emmett notice her. Emmett's face lights up in a huge grin whereas Edward scowls.

"Hey, Bella!" Emmett waves and opens up his arms for a hug.

Bella frowns as she looks at the giant who is inviting her for a hug. Sure, she's comfortable enough with her friends to go way beyond normal physical boundaries, but this dude's acting like he's her BFF after two meetings that both ended badly.

"Um, hi?"

Emmett waits with his arms wide open and a dimpled smile on his face, clearly stoned off his ass.

Edward acknowledges her presence with a nod, and a small "hello."

"Oh, you've already met, I see," Renée gloats, about as convincing as a D-list actress. "Excellent. Have fun, you young folks!"

Bella quickly grabs her phone to text Rose. There's no way she's going to survive this tour by herself without murdering at least one of them.

 _Chica: dimples dude & the other ass, private Wallen tour, save me before I murder someone?_

The reply is instant.

 _Meet you at the Warmoesstraat in 10 doll xx_

Thanking God for small favors, Bella leads the boys through the Amsterdam canals. Rose, apparently eager to see her dimpled eye-candy again, joins them before Bella has even started her speech.

"Hey there, pretty lady," Emmett says jovially.

Rose casually lets her tongue caress her blood-red lips. "Hey, dimples," she croons.

Emmett grabs her hand and plants a light kiss on her palm.

Bella rolls her eyes at her friend's porn star imitation. "All right," she interrupts the obvious flirting between her friend and Emmett. "Welcome to Amsterdam's red-light district, locally known as the Wallen, named after the canal walls that were put up eight centuries ago to prevent flooding. It is probably the most famous prostitution area in Europe and beyond, and also features strip clubs, cannabis clubs or coffeeshops, sex shops, peep shows, a sex museum, and a cannabis museum. Since this is a private tour, if either of you wants to perv out and visit one of the ladies or attractions here, please let me know so I won't waste my time."

Edward looks insulted. "We're not those type of guys; we're here to learn something not sleep with these hookers."

"It was a general disclaimer, guys," Bella states in a monotone voice. "You wouldn't believe how many guys I've lost on this tour over the years. Half-naked women who are ready to go for fifty bucks are apparently very hard to resist." She rolls her eyes. "Men," she mumbles softly.

"Hey, we have natural urges. Besides, blame these women for having no honor or integrity by being so disgusting and shameful."

"Why do you think these women are disgusting? They are making an earnest living."

"They're disgusting because they're allowing so many guys to have sex with them! Have they no sense of worth? And they're selling their bodies! How is that an earnest living?"

Bella narrowed her eyes. "'If you think a sex worker sells her body but a coal miner doesn't, your view of labor is clouded by your moralistic view of sexuality.'"

Emmett opens his mouth to respond but getting in between Edward and Bella at the moment is like jumping in when you see two tigers fighting. "What's that supposed to mean?" Edward yells.

"It means you've been raised to think that using your body to build a house or work in a coal mine is a job, and using your body to pleasure other people's bodies is a sin. Prostitution isn't without its problems—human trafficking is a big issue that we're up against. But most of these women _choose_ to be here. It's not a get-rich-quick job, but it is an honest one. They earn money and pay taxes."

Bella points at a young blonde woman in purple lingerie. She let her hands roam her chest, giving the boys a come-hither look from behind the red lights that illuminate her window. "See that girl? That's my friend Tanja. Her ass of a husband left her homeless and penniless because he wanted to go fuck his secretary on a more regular basis. It took a while, but now, she has a nice little apartment and enough cash to pay her expenses and go on a month-long trip to the other side of the world every year. She earns her living doing this work and that does not make her a bad person. It makes her a smart one, taking advantage of stupid men who'll pay her a hundred bucks just to get off."

"You're such a hypocrite! If prostitution is an honest living, as you're claiming it to be, then why are you hating where that source of money is coming from? Why is it, then, that men are gross for visiting prostitutes?"

Edward looks over at Emmett triumphantly, hoping for support from his brother, but Emmett and Rose have long abandoned the discussion, and Emmett's nose is by now nuzzling Rose's neck.

Bella's mouth falls open at Edward's words. It takes her a few seconds longer than usual to come up with a comeback, mostly because she knows Edward has a point. "Ugh! So you _do_ want to go fuck a prostitute. Figures."

"Don't strawman me! That's not even remotely close to what I just said! You infuriating woman!"

" _I'm_ infuriating?" Bella bristles. "You're making assumptions about these women by implying they have no worth, and you expect me to sit back and listen to your bullshit?!"

"Because it's what they are! Like you're so high and mighty. You were just calling men gross for seeking out prostitutes. _You_ , a local, are saying that! And I'm basing it on my belief that sex is an intimate act between two people who love each other! I don't get how you foreigners twist it into something so vulgar and vile."

Emmett looks up from Rose's sweet-smelling neck and calls out to Edward. " _Aper_ , weren't we going to get some European birds while here?"

Bella's furious eyes meet Edward's. "Ha! Who's the hypocrite now? Spouting off this love shit that you yourself don't even believe in!"

Edward opens his mouth to retort but stops short. Opens it again and still nothing, making him look like a gaping fish.

Bella smirks at his obvious loss of words and waits for the fucking light bulb to turn on over his stubborn head.

The light bulb moment hits Edward when his defiant posture deflates, and he looks down like a reprimanded toddler.

"UGH, FINE! We all need to get laid sometimes!"

"Exactly!"

"But _normal_ people don't do it for money!"

"Argh! _You_ are infuriating!" Bella looks around to find Rose, expecting backup, but by now, she and Emmett are quietly talking and touching at the other end of the street, so she turns back to face Edward. "Remember how you told me I'd be beautiful if I'd stop cussing? You'd be gorgeous if you just stopped talking, period."

"You think I'm gorgeous?" His ears turn red, and his voice switches from shouting to near-whispers.

"Fuck," Bella mumbles. She definitely didn't mean to say that out loud. She runs her hand through her hair in frustration, looking away from Edward.

"Well?" He takes a step towards her.

Bella is in purgatory. "You piss me off," she all but growls, "like no one ever has before, and …" _You turn me on just as much_ , she thinks. But saying that out loud will be admitting that it's true. How to reconcile her feminist, independent nature with the fact that she would love for him to fuck her senseless? She looks away, intently studying the damn cobblestones.

"You piss me off, too, beautiful. Far too much for my liking. And what?"

Bella's head snaps up to meet his gaze. _Beautiful?_ "N-nothing," she stammers.

He steps closer, whispering now. " _And what_?"

She stands perfectly still and yet she's panting as if she's just run a marathon. His face is close enough to hers that she can see every shade of green in his eyes and every line in his frown. She can feel his breath on her face, see the one tooth that is not as perfectly straight as the others, and the movement of his full lips as he breathes deeply. There's fire between them, passion that is just barely tipping the scale between mutual hatred and fierce attraction.

Edward brings his head closer. "Bella, tell me. And what?"

Suddenly, Bella's internal struggle comes to a halt as she listens to her body and what it wants. Her hands find his neck, his hair, and with all her might, she pulls him to her, crashing their lips together.

Edward responds with equal fervor as his lips move with hers, wrapping his arms around her waist and crushing her to him.

Their lips move in perfect synchronization, kissing and nipping as their passion and lust for each other grows. Edward slides his tongue against her bottom lip, asking for entrance, which Bella does without hesitation. The kiss turns long and deep, getting more and more frantic as their tongues fight for dominance. Edward raises one hand to the back of Bella's neck and holds it in place as he devours her lips with a passion. Fingernails dig into skin and leave marks as their mouths collide, teeth clashing, biting lips, and making almost feral sounds. Bella moans into Edward's mouth as his fingers grab her hair and pull hard enough to be painful and yet more arousing than anything. She responds by tugging the hair at the base of his neck, eliciting a groan that goes straight to her hoohah.

"Blarghhh! Gah! Ewww! Blarghhhh!" A series of fake puking sounds interrupts them, and Bella reluctantly releases Edward, turning around to face an angry Emmett running in their direction. "Fucking gross!" Emmett yells between spitting on the street.

"What is it, _aper_? You okay?" Edward asks, his arms still wrapped around Bella's soft form.

"That- that …" He points at Rose, who walks toward them nonchalantly with an evil smirk on her face. "That! _That_ is a MAN, _aper_. A man!"

'WHAT?" Edward shouts, releasing Bella as he rushes to his friend. "What do you mean she is a man?"

Rose rolls her eyes at the dramatics and exchanges a wink with Bella. She'd known this was coming; a guy like him was always going to react like that. She'd had some fun in the meantime though.

"You fucking _lied_ to my friend!" Edward yells.

Rose is the picture of calm, sadly used to the feelings of betrayal in others. "I didn't lie. It took me a few hours to tell him I wasn't quite born this way. So-the-fuck-what."

Emmett is still spitting on the ground as if he's trying to get rid of a sour taste in his mouth. "Am I gay now?" he whines.

"Are you really that fucking idiotic?" Bella interjects. "Rose is a _woman_ , you moron."

"Don't call me a moron, got that? I have every right to feel disgusted and confused right now," Emmett growls. "Fuck, babe—I mean, fuck, Rose, or whatever your real name is. I thought you were so hot!"

"And now you don't?" Rose asks coolly. "It's the same body it was fifteen minutes ago."

"But it's not the same body it was fifteen years ago!"

"I should hope not. Is your body the same as it was fifteen years ago?" Rose snickers.

"I know that 15 years ago I didn't have women boobs, that's for sure!"

"Neither did I, Einstein," Rose retorts.

Emmett growls again. "You know what I mean! Ugh. Come on, Eddie, we're outta here."

Edward throws a longing look at Bella, the girl who had him simultaneously pissed off and turned on beyond belief.

Bella is silent, as conflicted as Edward. She can't allow her friend to be insulted, but her lips are still sensitive and swollen from her make-out session with Edward, and she wants more. She takes a hesitant step in his direction, as if a final touch could somehow change tonight's outcome.

"Edward," she whispers and stays silent, swallowing her words. There is too much she wants to say.

He takes a deep breath, feeling anger and frustration run through him. He's angry with Rose for lying to his best friend, angry with Emmett for ruining the hottest moment of his life, and frustrated that there's no easy way to solve this. A large part of him is disgusted by the very idea of making out with a woman who used to be a man, but Rose is Bella's friend, a beautiful woman, and she and Em hit it off so well, so how bad could it be? He finds himself wanting to convince Emmett to reconsider.

Not at all for his own benefit with regards to Bella, of course. Nuh uh. He just … needs to touch her one last time, feel her lips against his. He takes a step closer to her and is abruptly torn away by Emmett's strong hands wrapping around his biceps.

"Come the fuck on, _aper_ ," Emmett yells as he drags Edward away from the girls.

"I'm sorry," Edward mouths in Bella's direction, unable to stop Emmett's brisk walking.

"Me too," Bella whispers back as she watches the boys disappear round the corner, though neither of them are sure exactly what they're sorry for.

THE END

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 **A/N:** When Bella says "If you think a sex worker sells her body but a coal miner doesn't, your view of labor is clouded by your moralistic view of sexuality", this is actually a quote by Dr. Eric Sprankle.

Language notes are mentioned before the start of the story.

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